Nathalie Seaver-Taste and Style

Anticipating Roses

 
Isn't this bouquet dreamy? It's from one of my favorite spots in Los Angeles, Rita Flora. 

I love flowers and a lush array is such a welcome gift.  It can be as simple as handful of sweet scented Lilies from someone  arriving at my house or an unexpectedvase of roses as a  "thank you"  or "congratulations"  appearing  at the door.  

Then there's the uber-elegant gesture of finding a beautiful arrangement delivered in the afternoon before a guest arrives at a dinner party.  Flowers are fabulous.  You're welcome to use any excuse to give them to me!

If you've gotten out of the habit, Valentine's Day, is the perfect way to get back in practice...

The Perfect Party: A simple secret

 

'Tis the season to have a party. Sometimes a big party. And why not?  It's a festive time of year and a perfect time to celebrate with a larger gathering of friends.

I've been to a few big parties lately which were...not fun at all.

These parties were given by people I know and like. There was plenty of good food and drink. They'd put some effort in getting the ambiance right, seemed happy to see me and everybody else there. What was the problem?

Simple: Giving a party is not simply putting out food and beverages and lighting some candles.

The larger the group, the more chances there will be  people who don't know each other. There's nothing worse than wandering around a big party for more than a few minutes where you know nobody except the host -- who is nowhere to be found. 

So to all hosts and hostesses -- an overlooked, simple secret for creating a great party:

Introduce people to one another and do it frequently.

Be near the entrance for at least the first hour, chatting with guests but mindful of new arrivals.

Make  guests feel welcome the minute they arrive.   Take their coat or show them where to set  down their things.

Offer them something to drink and let them know where they'll find the food.

 Try to avoid getting sidelined by deep conversations at the beginning of the party that make it tough to break away to greet new guests.

 Find some common ground or say something simple about each person:  mention what they do, where they're from, etc.

" Rita, this is my childhood friend, Catherine, visiting from Paris. She's a great chef and Rita had one of my favorite restaurants in L.A."

 " Michael, have you met Joan? You both are thinking about trips to Egypt..."

Intros are especially handy when you've  invited people from different parts of your life.

No matter how smart and accomplished people are, it is often awkward to be in a group of unfamiliar faces.  Instead of  the lame "And how do you know ..." opener to someone new, a 10 second lead-in  from the hostess is so much better.  Just giving one or two details really helps make people relax and enjoy themselves.

If you're in the movie business and also invite "non-pros", make  sure to step in and break up the closed clusters of shoptalk with " Hey you guys, meet Michelle. She just came back from Thailand and has some amazing stories..." to mix it up a bit.

Look around and check out your party.  Did you forget to put out extra napkins or light candles?

Enlist two strangers to help you with that and they will probably find common ground in that quick task to get them talking.

Is there someone standing alone with prop food and drink in hand?

Intercede and drag them to anybody nearby and make them speak to each other with a simple topic -- Sports, Politics, whatever -- even an animated disagreement will at least engage people who might never have spoken to one another.

All this seems like a no brainer, right? 

Yet most hosts forget this essential party step: Gracefully and briefly connect people. Your guests will be grateful and it will be a much more memorable and happy party for everyone. 

 

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Dressing Room Diaries #1: Piggy or Princess?

What does the dressing room in a store look like after you leave? And what does it say about you?

A: Are the clothes piled on the chair?  Like a big mound of spaghetti?  That's OK, you're in a hurry and it's your privilege.  Besides, it's the sales person's job to put away 25 pieces of crumpled clothing you just left behind, draped every which way on any available surface, right?   

B:The clothes are back on hangers or possibly folded on the chair. It doesn't matter how neatly.   Maybe you bring the try-ons back to the sales person or put them on the counter. Either way, you say thank you as you leave.  It's simple --isn't that what people do?

 

 

 

Thank you is a good thing

Modern Etiquette: Dinner Party Thank you (and sins of omission).

First in an occasional series (or rants)…

 

OK. First let me say I have been known for sins of omission myself. Mea culpa.

This began with the idea of improving my own behavior. This said, please allow me to share my peeves (and raves) about modern manners -- or often the lack thereof in the hopes of improving how everybody acts. 

 

I realize that some might sneer at the musty concept of etiquette in the first place, dismissing this subject as a forced and dated set of societal rules. 

 

I am here to vigorously disagree.

 

If you have good instincts, you act in a certain way and do the right thing.

 

You don’t need a guidebook to say, “Thanks”, when someone holds the door for you when you arms are full of stuff and it might be difficult for you to do it yourself.

Unless you are a total pig. I’ve seen those people too.  I’d like to think they just missed that class: Thank-you 101.

 

Etiquette or Good Manners simply provides guidelines about how to respond or act when you are just not sure what to do.  

 

For many of you this may seem elemental. 

Some of you may say, “Please, this is so basic, are you kidding? “

I hear a huge chorus of DUH in the background. But it is staggering how many successful, well educated people DON’T HAVE A CLUE about what I am about to write.

 

So let me share some everyday examples regarding “Thank-you.” 

Or should I say, Thank-You 101.

 

Let's begin with Dinner invitations.

 

You go to someone’s house for dinner.  They feed you. Maybe you drink their wine and coffee. You have a nice time (and even if not).

You still say “Thank-you” as you leave.  But it doesn’t stop there. 

You now are in the 48 Hour Thank-you Window.

 

Depending on how well you know your host::

• You might call them on the way home or the next day  (even a day or two later) at most.

• If you don’t call or have time to gab more than 2 minutes, you can also email a thank-you, that night or the next day.  It can be as simple as: “ I had fun tonight, thanks for asking me over. See you soon”
• A quick text thank-you is cool, too, if you have their cell number.
• Or friend them on facebook with a thank-you if you really want to see them again but that can get a little iffy, in my view.
• If you have really good manners, you might handwrite a little note.  Nothing too overblown but mention something you liked (about the food, the occasion, that appealing guest you never had a chance to really meet) and say the words thank-you somewhere and you’re done.  The note needs to go out within 2 days or it defeats the whole purpose.

And of course, there will be times when you are distracted and stuff happens and you don’t do the steps listed above in a couple of days.  Now what?

There’s a way to save yourself from That Rude Dopey Person classification:

You follow one of the three steps listed above and you say or write some version of this:

 

 

·     “I had such a great time at your dinner I can’t believe I have not taken the time to thank you yet.”  Don’t belabor the point with Too Much Information re: why. Although it may be your life, nobody really wants to hear about your root canal or your being in Hong Kong for the last week. Just acknowledge your delay and move on to the GOOD stuff: a few details on why you had a nice time.

 

TIP: I have a variety of postcards, nice notepaper and an envelope of stamps that I keep handy both at work and at home. This way I have everything I need and can jot something as soon as I can and I’m done in a few minutes. 

But you have to mail it right away. If you can’t trust yourself to mail it immediately, then just draft an email along the same vein.  You probably will get invited back.

 

But here are some variations on all this:

 

Let’s say you are a guest of someone and they take you to their friend’s for dinner.  Is it really necessary for you to call or write the hosts after the evening?

That is tricky. I’d say yes.  But the methods are slightly different.

Of course, you thank the host as you leave. That goes without saying.

However, your friend is the primary guest and you are the addendum. Your friend probably will be doing one of the thank-you steps listed above and if they are savvy will include a line like: “And my friend, (you) really enjoyed being there too.” 

 

In any case, you should thank your friend who took you along the same way you would thank the host.  You can always add, I had such a good time, I’d like to thank the host personally, may I have their address? You’ll know right away if your friend is feeling proprietary about this for some reason by the response you get.

Meanwhile, if you do you get their snail mail or email address, by all means drop the host a quick line of thanks.  It will most likely be much appreciated. 

 

Please note however, calling the host – that friend of a friend – is a no-no in my opinion.  Wait. If you wish, include your contact info in your written message and then leave it alone.

 

Now here’s another twist:

 

More and more people are doing potluck dinners. You bring the wine, the host has the main course, someone else brings the salad, dessert, etc. So maybe you did bring some amazing vintage bottle and it cost you a fortune. Nevertheless, the host is, well, hosting. 

You DO NOT WAIT for the host to thank you for your incredible wine which then triggers your response “Yes, swell dinner party, thanks!”

 

You are still the guest and you have to thank the host first.  Hopefully they will have the wherewithal to note the fantastic contribution you made. 

Just remember:

 

It is NOT OK to skip the thank you step because you 

 

·     brought the caviar

·     have a migraine

·     are feeling depressed

·     are traveling

·     ...whatever

 

It takes 30 seconds to write Thank-you in a text or email or note card. And the same amount of time on voicemail.  Just get in the habit.   Saying Thank-you is a good thing.